


Blind Faith

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-23
Updated: 2006-03-23
Packaged: 2019-02-02 10:03:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12724494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel tries to protect Jack but has he made a mistake?





	Blind Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Warnings: Sex, language  


* * *

"Fuck! Fuckfuckfuckfuck...FUCK!" 

Daniel looked up from his latest translation to see Jack pacing the office floor, the tirade of expletives pouring freely from his lover's mouth. Daniel knew better than to try and interrupt the tall lean USAF officer when he was in full flight, instead waiting for him to calm down. But he didn't and just carried on murdering the English language with every syllable he uttered. After a minute or so, Daniel slowly placed his pen down on the desk and leaned back in his chair.

"Jack?"

"Just don't talk to me Daniel, okay?" Jack barked, kicking the bottom drawer of Daniel's metal filing cabinet.

"Jack, whatever it is, please don't take it out on the furniture. The last time you did that I couldn't get the drawer open for a week."

"I'm so angry I could kill," Jack growled, finally slumping in the only other chair in the room. He scrubbed his hand over his face, slammed his arms down on his thighs, leaned forward letting his wrists and hands hang loosely between his knees and puffing out his cheeks, hissed loudly through his teeth and stared at his shoes.

"What is it?" Daniel asked quietly, his voice even and composed. Though Daniel and Jack had been an item for six months now, Daniel had grown accustomed to Jack's outbursts of temper over the last three years. He knew he just had to wait a while and Jack would calm down and talk about it eventually.

"I've just spent the last hour listening to some fucking general ranting on about how gays are a disease spreading through the military and undermining the strength and value of the Air Force. FUCK!" Jack shouted again, throwing himself into the back of his seat, "What the hell are we fighting for? Huh? Tell me that, what's it all about Daniel?"

"C'mon Jack, he's not the first and he won't be the last. We've both had to put up with this, well me longer than you but it doesn't matter Jack, we know his attitude is wrong. Gay men and women have given their lives in the service of their country and will continue to do so. Idiots like him won't prevail in the end Jack. You know that. You can't let him beat you now and win, so calm down and I'll make you a coffee."

"Danny? How can you be so untouched by all of this?"

"I'm not untouched, I just don't see the point of expending energy over something that doesn't matter. You know me, I'd much rather just let it wash over me, it drains away and leaves me where I was before the deluge. Yes, the waves touch me, but it doesn't unbalance me, I've lived with it for too long now. If I got as angry as you every time someone said something, I'd be in a rubber room by now. Don't let it get to you Jack, please."

"Well, it does get to me, Danny, and I hate it. I just want us to be a normal couple and not have to creep around as if what we have together is dirty, like we're shit on the bottom of the bastard's shoe!" Daniel's calming effect was short-lived as Jack's voice grew in both volume and tone again.

"That's it, I've had enough," he said emphatically, "I'm gonna resign right here, right now. In fact, I'm gonna tell that general where he can put my resignation letter!" Jack was well past angry now, and at that moment he would have wrung the living breath out of the general in question if he'd walked through the door.

"Jack? Jack! Hang on, wait a moment," Daniel shouted, grabbing his lover's arm to stop him flying out the door and flushing his pension down the toilet. "Don't do anything now, think about what you're saying."

"I have been thinking, and I'm gonna leave, NOW!"

"At least give it the weekend Jack, please. I'll be over tonight and we can talk about it properly."

Jack paused, considering Daniel's suggestion.

"No, Danny, not tonight, I need some space to think. Better not come over, in fact, don't come over at all, I'll see you here on Monday."

"Jack?" asked Daniel, trying to focus his brain on what his lover had just said. "Are you saying we shouldn't see each other at all over the weekend?"

"I guess I am. Look, don't take it the wrong way, I just need some space."

"Away from me?" Daniel was fast losing his cool, annoyed at Jack's apparent rejection of him.

"It's okay Danny, we're fine, I just need...I need to be on my own."

"If you're sure. I'll phone you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, Danny, whatever." 

With that, Jack headed for the door and was gone. Daniel still couldn't believe what had just transpired. Normally, Jack was all over him at weekends and at any other time when they were off duty and away from the mountain. Daniel's alarm bells were screaming in his head and he took off after Jack, walking quickly through the halls to try and find him. He didn't want to run and shout after Jack, he couldn't afford to raise questions about their kind of relationship. He spotted Jack way out in front of him and heading for the locker room.

"Jack?" Daniel said softly as he leaned against the cubicle door listening to the older man retching.

"Jack, you all right?" he asked again, truly concerned for his lover. He held up his hand and planted it against the door, as if trying to touch the man on the other side. "Go away Daniel, please." Jack's voice cracked as he started throwing up again.

"No, I won't Jack, I'll just wait here till you're finished."

Finally, Jack emerged from the cubicle, looking pale and shaky. He ran the cold-water tap and splashed his face, trying to revive his equilibrium.

"What's the matter Jack? Please tell me," Daniel whispered, rubbing his lover's back as he leaned over the washbasin.

"There's nothing wrong, I must have eaten something that screwed with my stomach, that's all."

"Or maybe you just got so angry it made you ill," offered the archaeologist.

"Whatever, Daniel," Jack said dismissively, "I'm going home. I'll see you on Monday."

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?"

"Yes, Daniel, I'm okay to drive," snarled Jack, grabbing a fist full of paper towels and wiping his face and hands.

Frowning, Daniel watched as Jack walked away from him and left the locker room. He didn't even look back at Daniel - he just left.

* * *

Daniel sat at his kitchen table, leafing through the local newspaper, but not really taking it in. His mind was fixed firmly on Jack and he was fast coming to the conclusion that their relationship was making his lover sick, literally. Daniel thought back over the last few months. When he thought about it carefully, searching the recesses of his memory he remembered several incidences of Jack throwing up or complaining of headaches or taking off-the-shelf concoctions to treat diarrhoea and griping stomach pains. In all the years Daniel had known Jack, the man had the constitution of a rhino. Jack was never ill. The more Daniel thought about it the more his stomach lurched. Dry mouthed, he suddenly realised that their relationship was undermining Jack's health. Daniel's love for Jack was killing him and he had to act, and act quickly. Maybe they could get a break, have a holiday, get away from the mountain and go to San Francisco, anywhere where they could relax and be themselves, together, without any judgement being made. 

Daniel knew that would only be a temporary fix though, he needed to think of something that would mend Jack properly. Standing, Daniel glanced at the phone, thinking he should at least call Jack and offer the suggestion of a break, even though he figured it wouldn't work in the long term. Daniel picked up the receiver and dialled Jack's number and after a couple of rings the answering machine kicked in. Daniel looked at his watch, it was 11.30 and Jack would have been up for hours by now. Why the hell wasn't he picking up? Panicking, Daniel looked for his car keys; he would drive over to Jack's place and make sure he was all right. As his hand grabbed the door handle, he stopped, sighed and walked back into the kitchen. Jack had been quite clear. He wanted space and Daniel knew he had to let him take the opportunity for some peace and quiet and time for contemplation. 

Four hours later and not being able to wait any longer, Daniel called Jack, and again he got the answering machine. This time Daniel left a message, just to tell Jack he was thinking of him and to call him if he wanted.

The evening wore on into the early hours of Sunday morning; Daniel hadn't heard from Jack and now he couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in his large empty double bed, missing Jack and worrying about his state of mind. Then, all of a sudden, Daniel sat bolt upright and spoke aloud.

"That's it! The only way Jack will feel better is if I finished it. Hell, now I feel sick. God I don't want to do this, but I'm gonna have to tell him it's over, that we're over, and after a while, when he's got over it, he'll find someone else and move on." Daniel knew what he had to do and even though it was going to kill him to break it off, he couldn't see any other way. If they weren't together then their relationship couldn't hurt Jack any more. He would be upset, hurt and angry at first, but he would see in the long run, that it would be for the best, for both of them.

* * *

"WHAT? What the fuck are you saying Daniel? You can't mean it, you can't!"

"I do mean it Jack, it's for the best that we end it now."

"I don't believe you, you're just saying this to make me feel better, and it's not working, okay? It bloody isn't working!" 

Jack was screaming at Daniel, the agony of hurt and rejection clearly written across his face and in his voice. Daniel's heart was breaking too, but he knew it was the only way. If they weren't involved any more, Jack wouldn't be vulnerable to idiot generals and the anger he was feeling now would dissipate over time, rather than having to live with an underlying seething and brewing emotion that would eventually kill him and their relationship anyway.

"I'll resign and then we can be together properly."

"No, you can't. The SGC is where you belong, it's what you do best."

"No, I can do this, we can do this. It'll be better then, I promise."

"What are you going to do? Play at being Mrs Daniel Jackson and sit at home all day watching Martha Stewart? I don't think so!"

"I'll get a job or maybe I can be a security guy, maybe start my own business."

"No Jack, you'd bawl out every new client because they weren't thinking properly or doing it right." 

Shaking his head, Daniel looked into those beautiful tearful brown eyes and repeated his statement.

"It's not working now Jack, but it will. I'm sorry, really I am, but I want to finish it now, while we've both got a chance of finding someone else."

"Have you already found someone else? Is that what this is about Daniel?"

"No, there isn't anyone else. But I want you to find someone who will make you happy instead of miserable."

"I'm not miserable, what makes you think that?"

"You're sick, I mean look how you were on Friday afternoon? Throwing up is a sign of being miserable Jack, not a sign of being happy."

"I was just a bit wound up, that's all, I'm not miserable Danny, you could never make me miserable or unhappy or sick."

"No Jack, listen to me! It has to end here, for both our sakes, but especially yours," blurted Daniel, shaking his head and looking away from his distraught lover, unable to meet Jack's confused and tearful gaze.

"Please Daniel, don't do this, you know how I feel about you," pleaded Jack, reaching out to hold Daniel. The younger man shrugged him off and made for the door.

"I'm leaving now Jack, I'm sorry to upset you. It was good while it lasted, but now it's finished."

"But..." Daniel waved over his shoulder; Jack thinking he meant 'It's finished' and Daniel thinking 'Don't say another word, because if you do I'll take back everything I said and kiss you till I can't breathe anymore.'

Standing in the hallway of his house, Jack stared at the closed front door and the space where Daniel had been standing. He still couldn't believe what was happening.

Daniel drove away from Jack's place, dry eyed and hating himself. The pit of his stomach held a large hard coil of emotions and as soon as he was out of sight, he stopped the car and threw up in the gutter. He wanted to die for what he had done to his lover.

Weeks rolled into months and Daniel hardly saw Jack at all. The archaeologist had asked to leave SG-1 to take up his role as Head of Archaeology full time, thus keeping him on the base and no longer on off world missions.

Daniel had run into Jack as they met at the door of the commissary. Jack had opened his mouth as if to say something, but snapped it shut. His eyes followed Daniel as he walked by and the younger man could feel Jack's gaze on him, boring into his back of his head. Turning, Daniel looked at Jack and managed a small smile. Jack gave him an impassive look and continued his path to the lunch queue. Daniel's stomach clenched and his chest ached, all he wanted to do was fling his arms around Jack's neck, kiss him and blub an apology for hurting him so much. Jack on the other hand, wanted to kill Daniel, or at the very least shake the hell out of him. He could try and make the man understand that his way wasn't working and that Jack was dying a bit at a time for want of his love.

One Friday night a few weeks later Daniel's phone rang, just as he was getting out of the shower. Naked and dripping on the living room carpet, he picked up and heard Jack's voice. His stomach somersaulted and his knees went wobbly.

"Hey Daniel, it's Jack."

"Yes, I know."

"Wanna come over for pizza and hockey tonight, as a friend I mean?"

"Jaaack?"

"No, I mean it, as a friend. Sam and Teal'c will be there and Jim Quentin, y'know, the guy you foisted on the team?"

"I didn't foist Jack, he was the best choice."

"Yeah well, best of nothing is still nothing Daniel. Gonna come?"

Daniel checked his thoughts before answering; he could have so easily just said `yes please' to Jack's question.

"Um, I don't think that's a good idea do you?"

"Well, duh! Of course it's a good idea, the others want to see you, and so do I."

"Not in that way Jack, I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean in that way."

"Oh."

"It's up to you Danny, you know where I am if you want to come over."

"Thanks, I'll think about it."

"Okay, don't think for too long though, the pizza won't survive for long."

"Bye Jack." 

Placing the phone back in its cradle, Daniel thought about Jack's invitation. Could he trust himself to be near Jack and not cave? This would be an important test for both of them, to be friends and resist being lovers again. Still naked, Daniel wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge door. There was very little in it that looked at all appetising and slamming it shut he made for his bedroom to get dressed.

Thirty minutes later Daniel was ringing Jack's doorbell and feeling like a teenager on his first date. Except this wasn't a date. No way no how, not a chance, not anytime soon, ah ah, noooo not going to happen, nope, absolutely not, not a snowball's chance in hell, no definitely not. 

Fuck! The door swung open to reveal Jack, dressed all in black and looking achingly gorgeous. Wondering if Jack had deliberately chosen Daniel's favourite outfit just to wind him up, Daniel stepped through the doorway within a few inches of Jack's tall lean frame and he smelt wonderful, a mixture of cologne, beer and Jack.

Jack felt the electricity spark between them as Daniel walked past him and into the lobby. Jack's fingers twitched, as he smelt a freshly showered archaeologist within grasping range. Dammit, the man was so...No, he must not think naughty thoughts, no way no how, not here, not now, no.

Daniel felt awkward at first, everyone else knew he and Jack had a falling out but they just didn't know what about. Jack seemed to be on top form though, and it wasn't long before everyone settled into their old pattern, Teal'c saying little but eating a lot, Sam saying a lot and not eating much and Jack being Jack, that is snarky in an amiable way and being rude about everyone else on the base. Jim Quentin on the other hand was being quiet, observing the careful choreography between his host and the newcomer. 

The evening went quickly and Daniel was glad that he had decided to join his old friends and comrades in arms. He wasn't sure about Quentin though. He knew he was good at his job, but somehow Daniel didn't feel completely relaxed in his company. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it made him wary of the small blond haired man from Alabama. 

All too soon, Sam and Teal'c were getting ready to leave. Daniel took the hint and grabbed his coat, wondering why Quentin remained seated and looking like he wasn't going anywhere fast.

"Hey Danny, don't go yet, there's clearing up to do and seeing as you were last in you can be last to go."

"Thanks Jack," Daniel smiled, dropping his coat on the sofa, saying goodbye to Sam and Teal'c and picking up some plates.

"Oh, `night Jim, thanks for coming round," Jack shouted from the kitchen.

Staring at Daniel, Quentin didn't move from his spot near the TV, only slowly turning his head to watch, the screen.

"Yeah, bye Jim, nice to see you again," added Daniel, perturbed at the other man's lack of mobility.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, be seeing you Daniel," murmured Quentin still concentrating on the music video playing out in front of him.

Daniel wasn't quite sure what was going on as Jack's tone of voice had made it quite plain that he wanted Quentin to leave. Maybe there was something between Jack and this guy that he hadn't picked up on or perhaps the man was just a jerk who couldn't take a hint.

Piling the plates on the kitchen counter, Daniel mentioned to Jack that Quentin was still in the living room and showing no signs of leaving. Jack gave Daniel one of his `we'll see about that' looks and headed off to the other room. Daniel stood by the doorway to eavesdrop.

"Ah, Jim? Time to go buddy," Jack said quietly, standing between the recalcitrant man and the TV.

"Sorry Jack, I was waiting for Daniel to go. There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh and what's that?"

"It's about work."

"Well, we're not at work, so why don't you save it for when we are," Jack replied in a snarky kind of way, this time with no humour at all.

"But I..."

Jack held up his hand in a `halt' sign and picking up his jacket for him, hustled Quentin towards the front door.

"It'll keep whatever it is, and you can tell me all about it at work. See ya'."

Quentin eyed Daniel suspiciously as he came back into the living room to pick up some glasses. By now Jack was manhandling the Alabaman through the doorway and towards his car. 

Closing the door behind him, Jack puffed his cheeks and blew. "What an asshole," he grinned as he followed Daniel back into the kitchen.

"He seems okay," Daniel offered, as he washed the plates.

"He knows his job but lacks some of the social graces I'd say."

"That's generous of you. I thought you were going to say he's a geek or a scientist." "Oh, he's those too, just not a very personable one of either type."

"Well, I should be going too, it's late and, and, ah, I should be going," stammered Daniel rinsing the last plate as Jack moved in behind him. Feeling Jack's hot breath on the back of his neck, Daniel stepped sideways, reaching for the towel and drying his hands. He had successfully outmanoeuvred Jack and he knew if he didn't get out of Jack's house fast, he would be there all night, in his arms and in his bed.

"Don't go Danny, please."

"I must Jack, it wouldn't do any good to stay and you know it. We'd end up doing something that we'd both regret."

"As long as you respected me in the morning I wouldn't regret it, you know I wouldn't."

"Well, it's not going to happen, so don't even think about it, Jack"

"Think about what?"

"You know."

"No, I don't Daniel, why don't you tell me, or better still show me."

"Don't do this Jack please, it's been hard enough the last few months, seeing you and not `seeing' you. Don't make it any harder."

"I'm not, but I could," Jack grinned, staring at Daniel's groin.

"For pity's sake stop doing that!"

"What?"

"Staring at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like, oh for fuck's sake Jack, you know very well."

"What if I were to stop looking and start touching?"

"No, absolutely not, no way. I'm going now - I had a nice time. Thanks and goodnight Jack."

Jack was having none of it and grabbed Daniel's shoulders kissing his mouth hard. Within a nanosecond Daniel was kissing Jack hard as well. Within five nanoseconds they were kissing like their lives depended on it. Jack cupped Daniel's face in his hands and slowed the pace a little, sucking slowly on the younger man's bottom lip; he had such full kissable lips. As Jack could feel his cock thickening and beginning to throb he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, a small movement outside the kitchen window. Slowing their kisses Jack looked past Daniel, searching for whatever it was he had seen, the hairs on his neck prickling as he readied his body for fight or flight mode. Sensing a change in Jack's demeanour, Daniel whispered to him, "What's the matter? What is it?"

"Just act like nothing's up," hissed Jack.

"Well, duh, that's a bit difficult to do right now," muttered Daniel; fully conscious of his own erect and rampant cock.

"Just trust me Daniel, I think we might have a voyeur."

"Oh."

Jack kissed Daniel once more and then released the younger man from his embrace.

"I'm gonna take the trash out Daniel," Jack commented very loudly, "I won't be a minute." With that he grabbed the black trash bag near the back door and a baseball bat that he always kept just in case, and opened the door quietly.

Daniel remained where he was between the window and Jack, covering the older man's movements. Jack slipped out into the night, made a great deal of noise lifting the lid to the trashcan as he dumped the bag on the ground beside it. In the hope of creating a distraction, his lover walked out of the kitchen and called to Jack, "Oh, you forgot this, Jack."

As Daniel called, Jack crept along the kitchen wall to the end and snapping his arm around the corner, grabbed a handful of whatever he could find, dragging it towards him.

In the light from the window Daniel could see that Jack had found himself a substitute archaeologist.

"Quentin? What's he doing here? I thought he'd gone."

"Nope, got him right here Daniel," Jack announced tightening his grip on the intruder's neck and shoulder.

"Let go you bastard. Let. Me. Go." Quentin struggled against Jack's iron grip and got nowhere fast.

"Well now, what have we here?" drawled Jack, shaking Quentin aggressively. "Whatcha doin' Jim?"

"I suspected he was a freakin' homo Jack, but I didn't figure you were as well," spluttered the smaller man. "Fuck, the place is crawling with `em. Shit Jack, you are the last man I expected to be queer, you're a fucking freak like that pansy over there!" Quentin's face was distorted with revulsion and hatred as he tried to loosen Jack's grip.

Jack was holding Quentin's right collar with his right hand and he tugged at it swaying the man slightly away from him, then with a lightening quick tug, Jack pulled the man towards him and lifting his knee pivoted Quentin over his thigh and upended him into the trashcan head first. "See Danny, told ya' I was puttin' out the trash!"

Quentin was shouting and struggling to haul himself out of the dustbin and his panicked actions tipped over the can depositing him on the ground.

"Jack!" shouted Daniel running to his lover's side, "Oh my god," he gasped as he watched the smaller man drag himself upright and brushing off the dirt and gravel from his clothes.

"You've done it now O'Neill, you are gonna be out of that mountain so quick your ass won't see daylight quick enough!"

"Oh I don't think so," drawled Jack, "I mean, how's it gonna look when the most top secret facility in the world discovers its got a stalker in its midst. Hammond is gonna really love it when I tell him you've been stalking me because I'm known to our beloved President. I can see the headlines now, `Archaeologist uses second in command of the SGC to get to President'. I'll tell Hammond how you questioned me about the President, when I was likely to be seeing him, where and why and how you insisted on coming with. You don't stand a chance Quentin, especially when they come to check the Armoury and find there's a gun missing, the one booked out in your name that you haven't returned."

"But, but, I don't have a gun from the Armoury," spluttered Quentin.

"Oh but you will have, very soon," threatened Jack coolly.

"I'll tell Hammond how I saw you two kissing, echh!"

"No one will believe you, Daniel has witnesses that will confirm he left with them and that you were still here, alone with me," Jack smiled menacingly as he put his face close the other man, "Who's to say it wasn't you I was kissing hmmm? You'd be out of the mountain just like that, no job, no money and no reputation."

"You wouldn't get away with it, you know the regs about that, and you'd be out too."

"Maybe and maybe not. Wanna call my bluff Quentin? Let's face it, either way you're stuffed."

The two men squared up to each other, Jack being at least seven inches taller than his adversary.

"Maybe you should get outta here, before I call a couple of SFs to take you home."

Jack shoved the man in the chest, drawing himself up to his full height, "And you had better make sure you're gone from the mountain by tomorrow morning!" Jack shouted after him.

Daniel wanted to whoop for joy as the little man slunk off to his car.

"Jack you were amazing," Daniel gasped, "But what if he spills the beans about us?" 

"He won't, I'll make sure of that. I'll be calling into the Armoury tomorrow first thing. Besides if he says anything I'll deny it and I'm sure Hammond would do his best to help."

Jack swung his arm around Daniel's shoulders as they walked back into the kitchen, "It'll be alright I promise."

Daniel went round Jack's house locking doors and closing blinds and curtains, he wasn't going to take any more chances. He felt vulnerable and insecure and even more so for Jack. They had had a very close call and they weren't out of the woods yet. Quentin could still make a complaint about Jack's conduct with a long list to choose from.

"Hey, come and sit down Danny, you're wearing out the carpets. Stop pacing and have some coffee will ya'?"

"I'm sorry that guy was so, so..."

"Annoying?"

"More than that Jack. No, besides being offensive he was so scary. What he said had such venom in it."

"Yeah, that's the result of a totally irrational mind and way too many pork rinds."

Daniel nodded thoughtfully, still upset by what had happened.

"You wouldn't really have used that baseball bat would you?"

"No," Jack retorted sounding somewhat peeved, "I've just had the paving slabs power cleaned. Didn't want his guts all over the place making everything messy."

"Jaaack!" Daniel laughed and pulled the tall grinning man into a long and close embrace. "God I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you."

"Well nothing did and nothing will, so just forget about it. Come to bed and cuddle me."

"I thought we had agreed our relationship stays out of the bedroom. This incident tonight just goes to show how vulnerable you are with me around and how right we were to break up when we did. One kiss and your career could have been toast, it might still be if Quentin says anything."

"I know, I know, but I don't want you to leave. Please stay Daniel I really need you. For crying out loud I want you, badly. Please say you'll stay even if it's just for tonight. I have to have you. Can't you understand that?"

"Yes, I understand. I want you too."

"What's the point of dealing with jerks like Quentin if we have to deny each other now? He's not gonna come back. We're safe. Please Danny?"

Daniel looked into Jack's dark brown eyes and melted. Taking his lover into his arms Daniel kissed him tenderly, knowing in his heart of hearts that this would probably be the last time. It was because of him that Jack was vulnerable and hurting and tonight was a prime example of how his lover could be threatened and intimidated into giving up his career. No, after they make love tonight, it would be the end for them.

Stripped and naked the two men stood gazing at each other, taking in every inch of muscle-toned flesh. Daniel placed his hand on Jack's chest and stroked the contours of his breast, gently squeezing his nipples to elicit a gasp from his lover. Jack inhaled slowly, pressing his chest against Daniel's touch and running his hands over the younger man's shoulders. Drawing him close, Jack held Daniel for a long time, knowing too that this would be their last time together. What Daniel had said was right and Jack accepted it now, though he knew it would kill him not to be with the man he truly loved.

Slowly they kissed, each penetrating the other's mouth, tongue sliding over tongue, tasting and devouring and Jack sucking and pulling at Daniel's soft and curvaceous lower lip. Their passion increased with each touch, each kiss and every lip to mouth contact.

"Jack," Daniel panted, "Lay on the bed for me, on your front."

Doing as he was asked, Jack shuffled onto the bed stretching his 6' 2" frame along its length. Hitching up one knee slightly and shoving his hands and arms under the pillows, he rested his head to one side facing his lover. Daniel lay down beside him, kissing him gently on the lips, eyes and brow and stroking Jack's shoulders and back, mapping the conformation of his muscles and the texture of his skin. Moving to shift his position Daniel stopped him, "Not yet Jack, not yet babe. I want to feel your body, stroke your ass, let my mouth and tongue taste your skin." Jack moaned into the pillow as his lover's verbal caresses thickened his cock under him and made him slowly grind his hips into the mattress.

Daniel kissed and laved the heated flesh as he straddled Jack's waist, kneading and massaging his neck and shoulders and running his hands along Jack's flanks, searching out the pink nipples, rubbing and pinching them into hard points. Leaning forward to gently rest against him, Jack could feel Daniel's balls and cock rubbing against the small of his back and the damp sticky trail left by the small pearl of fluid seeping from its tip. Stroking his flanks, Daniel slid his hands down to Jack's hips, reaching his long fingers to rub the pubic hair of his lover's groin.

"Release me Danny, please," begged Jack, desperate to turn over so that he could experience the bone crushing sensation of Daniel's hand around his length.

"Soon love," Daniel crooned as he shifted his position again to settle between Jack's legs, nudging the older man's thighs apart with his knees and tracing his fingers over Jack's firm rounded buttocks.

"Oh god Danny," murmured Jack, "You make me feel so good, aah, like that, oh yessss."

Smiling, Daniel dragged the tip of his middle finger in between Jack's cheeks, pressing against his puckered ring as he touched against it. Jack responded by arching his back and pushing his hips against Daniel's contact, rising to his knees in the process. Daniel gently parted Jack's buttocks and stroked his tongue around the ring leaving wet hot glistening swirls against his skin.

Jack could only moan and pant with pleasure, his voice centre having migrated to somewhere near his groin.

Spurred on by his lover's reactions, Daniel pushed the tip of his tongue into Jack's ass and flicked it unmercifully in and out of his hot tight hole. By now, Jack was emitting a low growl from the back of his throat and pushing his hips against Daniel's face. Daniel reached down beside him for the tube of lube that had travelled the length of Jack's body with him, and coating his fingers liberally, Daniel offered the tip of one finger against his lover's anus, coaxing him to open and relax at his touch. Pushing in and screwing his finger, Daniel felt the soft hot tissue of Jack's ass against him and moaning, he pushed harder penetrating as far as he could. As he did so, Daniel cupped Jack's balls and squeezing gently he pulled firmly. Jack howled with pleasure and desire.

"For god's sake fuck me Danny, I need to feel you inside me, please."

"Soon, babe soon. I want you good and ready when I slide into you because when I do I'm going to fuck the living daylights out of you," Daniel whispered, making Jack's cock jerk in anticipation.

"Turn over Jack, let me see you. I want to see your beautiful brown eyes watching me as I make love to you."

Jack turned onto his back to display his glorious erection for Daniel's admiration and pleasure.

"Roll your hips for me Jack," hissed Daniel, lubing his cock in readiness.

Jack rested his thighs over Daniel's as his lover felt for his opening, pushing his cockhead against it.

"God I love you," Daniel cried as he entered Jack's ass, gliding effortlessly inside him.

Jack panted and growled in turn, watching the ecstatic expression on his lover's beautiful face, a face he had grown to love over time, a face that he would never ever forget as long as he lived.

Daniel was thrusting into him now, with a slow easy rhythm. They did not break their gaze with one another, conversing only with their eyes blue to brown, brown to blue. Daniel filled and stretched his lover, making contact with his prostate, his sweet spot, sending wave after wave of pleasure through Jack's body. Slowly he rotated his hips, grinding and stroking at it and Jack's grip on Daniel's hips urged him to rub faster, and deeper. 

Spreading his knees and pivoting his hips, Daniel began to drive harder and faster as Jack stroked his lover's chest, pulling on his nipples as he rocked backwards and forwards.

The swirling intense pleasure of impending climax was concentrating in the small of Daniel's back and he knew he couldn't last much longer.

"I'm really close, I can't hang on," panted Daniel, "I love you Jack, I always will."

"Come for me love, ride me, aaah...fuck...oh that's good...oh that's good," Jack chanted out his encouragement.

Daniel could feel the swirling tingling pleasure gathering in his balls and as they tightened, he came, bucking his hips and driving his cock forcefully deep into Jack's ass, jerking his orgasm to completion.

Jack watched intently as his lover came inside him, he wanted to see Daniel's lashes flutter and the lids hood his eyes at the moment of climax, the sight nearly always making him come. He grabbed his cock and squeezed the root of his dick hard to try and stem the tide of his own orgasm. He wanted to be inside Daniel, howling his own climax hard and fast.

Daniel slid his softening cock from Jack's ass and flopped prostrate beside him, his chest still heaving and his breath rasping in his throat.

Turning, Jack rested on his elbow smiling at the exhausted and satisfied linguist by his side. He planted light kisses on Daniel's perspiring forehead; lips and neck, caressing him back to consciousness. Daniel opened his eyes slowly, grinning broadly.

"Hell Jack, that was..."

"Lost for words Dr. Jackson?" crooned Jack as he planted more kisses across his lover's chest.

"Something like that," he sighed contentedly. Cupping his chin, Daniel pulled Jack level with his lips and kissed him back in return.

"Tell me what you want Jack," Daniel whispered, looking into those wonderful brown eyes.

"Turn over Danny and give me your ass," growled Jack, gripping Daniel's waist and helping him to roll over. Still feeling weak and wobbly, Daniel moved and stretched spread-eagled on his front.

"On your knees love, your ass is mine, utterly and completely and forever," hissed Jack, lubing his fingers and his cock as he spoke.

Spreading Daniel's ass cheeks Jack's fingers went to work, penetrating, scissoring and stretching his lover, preparing him to take Jack's engorged and aching member. As Daniel relaxed Jack inched into him, withdrew a little and then penetrated further, repeating this until Jack was fully inside him. Jack couldn't spin out his lovemaking. After Daniel's performance he was ready to explode and the contact of Daniel's ass around his cock drove Jack hard, gripping his lover's hips tightly and ramming his cock deep inside. Daniel shouted loudly, groaning and moaning at the searing heat and lust of Jack's skilful movements. As he plunged deeper and harder inside his lover, Jack's orgasm was imminent. Panting and gasping Jack roared his climax, pumping his hips against Daniel's cheeks. Jack relaxed his arms and bending his elbows sat back on his legs, resting his head in the small of Daniel's back. He snaked his arms around Daniel's waist and the two of them collapsed, exhausted.

They cuddled into each other and fell asleep in the knowledge that every moment they had left would be precious beyond measure.

* * *

Early the next morning they were dressed and ready to return to the mountain. They sat across the kitchen table from each other in silence. They held hands and as the tears formed they knew they must part as lovers.

"Jack, I want you to know that I love you, that I've always loved you. I will go on loving you, no matter what and maybe someday we can be together again."

"I know and I love you too. I have faith in us Danny, we will be together and whatever happens in between, you can count on me."

They rose from their seats and fell into a long and bittersweet embrace and their tears fell freely.

* * *

After just a few months, Daniel left the SGC and went to work at Area 51 for a while. He couldn't bear the hurt and longing of not being with Jack. They had both agreed that a separation would be for the best. Being together and not being together was more than either of them could bear. 

There was plenty to do and Daniel threw himself into his work, trying to forget Jack and the lustful passionate affair they had experienced. Daniel had taken to labelling their relationship as an `affair', that way he could put a full stop after it, instead of believing that it could have been a lifetime commitment in practice. He deliberately cut himself off from everyone at the mountain, including Sam, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie. The association with Jack was just too strong.

Jack, in the meantime, was subdued and compliant when he wasn't being a bear with a sore head the size of Kansas. General Hammond was concerned with the turn of events that had reduced his second in command to a quiet and acquiescent officer or a raving lunatic. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn't.

Two years went by and neither man had any contact with the other. Daniel left Area 51 after a couple of months and took up the nomadic lifestyle of an archaeological site digger, travelling the globe and living out of a suitcase. After 18 months or so he found himself back in Egypt amongst the sandstone and windblown fines of the Sahara. One night, after a long day's labour in the heat, he decided to go back to the mountain and find Jack. Daniel was constantly miserable, alone and dreadfully unhappy. He was pining for Jack and it was making him sick to his soul. If Jack didn't want him or had found someone else he would ask General Hammond if he could go back to Abydos, if he was still at the SGC and hadn't already retired.

Back in Colorado, Daniel sought permission to meet Hammond and with it to see Jack. 

"The Colonel retired nearly a year ago, Dr. Jackson. I'm sorry son, he's living in Minnesota now."

Daniel was crestfallen, should he go to Minnesota or Abydos? If Jack had still wanted him why didn't he get in touch, not that it would have been easy, he had moved around so much. Daniel made an instant decision, Jack had not even tried to track him down; Daniel had always left a forwarding address where he could be reached and he had not heard from Jack in all that time. 

"If you are really sure Dr. Jackson, you know I can't give you a GDO?"

"Yes, I know that General, and I am sure. This is what I need to do."

Hammond smiled and nodded. He knew that Jack and Daniel had had a special relationship. He knew too, that something momentous had happened between them to drive his civilian consultant to dig holes in the ground and his best officer to become less than he was. He couldn't ask and would not want either of them to tell.

"Oh by the way, Dr. Jackson, Colonel O'Neill is flying in tomorrow, I thought perhaps you might want to meet him at the airport."

Daniel's heart leaped at the possibility of seeing Jack again and he had to know if Jack still wanted him or not.

* * *

Daniel sat in the airport waiting area unable to contain his frustration, Jack's plane having been delayed by two hours. He stood up and paced the concourse between the arrival and departure areas, and then he heard the announcement for the arrival of Jack's flight at last. Running through his head were those few words that could carry a range of different meanings and emotions. 

`Hi Jack' `Hi Jack' `Hijack' Hijack? How the hell did that get there? `Hey' `Jack' with his voice going up at the end `Jack' with his voice going down at the end. Something a bit longer perhaps. `It's good to see you' `How are you?' `God I've missed you' `Why didn't you get in touch?' `You're looking good' `Kiss me'

"For crying out loud Cats, what are you doing now?"

"I want to straighten your collar, it's all bunched up and looking untidy."

"Leave me alone will ya'," Jack barked, trying to swat his companion's hand away.

"You want to be looking smart and elegant don't you, Jack?"

"Whatever," sighed Jack, feeling like he would never ever win a single argument with the short dark woman from Scotland.

"Have you got your papers and your pass?"

"Well, unless you left `em behind when you packed, I'd have to say yes."

Glancing down the long concourse Daniel saw a stream of passengers heading his way and towards the exits. Sure that Jack's flight had disembarked, he craned his neck to see over the flock of people in the hope of spotting him as soon as possible. He was feeling excited, worried, scared, happy, unsure and nervous.

It was then that a bolt out of the blue hit him in the stomach and he thought he was going to die. There was Jack, arm in arm with a pretty woman, he was smiling and she was talking.

Daniel stood anchored to the spot as the couple walked towards him. Jack was looking as tall and attractive as he had always been, his hair no longer salt and pepper but entirely grey. He was wearing the sunglasses that always got Daniel's heart racing. God he looked amazing. Daniel took a step forward and opened his mouth to say hello, then for some inexplicable reason he shut it again. Jack and his companion walked straight past him without even noticing him, even though he was within two feet of them.

Maybe Jack just hadn't noticed Daniel, he wasn't expecting to see his ex-lover and so he wouldn't be looking for him. Maybe he had remarried and his wife didn't know about Daniel and therefore Jack had chosen to ignore him. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

Daniel turned and called after him.

"Jack? Jack!"

Stopping suddenly, Jack remained stock-still. Cats had felt the tensing in Jack's arm and had stopped as well, looking over her shoulder as a tall, tanned much younger man came running towards them, his long shoulder length hair flowing and rippling as he moved.

"Jack," Daniel said quietly.

Pausing and with a slow smile forming, Jack turned his head in the direction of Daniel's voice.

"Daniel."

"You walked right past me, I guess you didn't see me."

"No, I didn't."

"General Hammond told me you were flying in. How have you been?"

"Good Daniel, good."

Sensing the tension in Jack's voice, Daniel glanced at the woman with him, her arm still entwined as she stood close to him.

"Hello, my name is Catherine but Jack calls me Cats. How do you do?" she said disengaging herself from Jack and offering her hand in greeting.

Daniel looked again at Jack, waiting for him to give at least some minimal information about her, like 'this is my wife/girlfriend/friend/partner/co-worker/compatriot/companion'. Jack said nothing at all.

"So, Jack," said Daniel, wondering what to say.

"So, Daniel, wanna get a drink?"

"Sure, coffee sounds good."

"Oh, I was thinking of something a little stronger."

"Now Jack, please don't overdo it," Cats intervened, looking up at Jack with concern.

"Will you stop fussing woman!" exclaimed Jack, irritated by her request.

Daniel couldn't make out their relationship and was feeling rather out of place as he witnessed their exchange.

Walking along the concourse to the bar, Cats excused herself to find the ladies room. 

"You find a seat Jack and I'll order. What do you want? The usual?"

"Yeah, and make it a double."

As Daniel made his way to the bar, Jack found an empty table near the door.

Returning with a double shot of Jack Daniels and a coffee, Daniel placed the drinks on the table and sat down opposite the older man.

"So," said Daniel again, wondering why Jack hadn't taken off his sunglasses. He stared at his ex-lover, luxuriating in his good looks and authoritative demeanour. Jack spread his hands on the tabletop and slowly reached for his drink. 

"I've missed you," Daniel ventured, "What have you been up to? General Hammond said you'd retired."

"Yeah I have, not much and you too."

"Wha...what?"

"Yes I'm retired, no I haven't been up to much and yes, I've missed you too." Jack smiled and Daniel wished that he would take off the glasses so that he could see Jack's beautiful brown eyes smiling at him as well.

"Jack, it's night time and we're in a low light situation. Why don't you take those glasses off?"

"I'd rather leave them on Danny, if you don't mind."

"Hangover?"

"Something like that." 

Daniel could tell Jack was grimacing after that last remark even if he couldn't see it in his eyes, he could see it in those kissable lips.

Just then Cats joined them, bringing her own coffee.

"Well, this is nice. You're old friends I take it?"

"Yes Cats, now stop fishing and go find somewhere else to sit."

"Jack! You can't say that," Daniel exclaimed, "That's rude."

"Och, don't worry about me Daniel, he's like that all the time. Pay no heed, I'm used to it," Cats said laughing, as she got up and taking her drink with her, moved to the other side of the doorway.

"Why did you say that Jack? She wasn't doing anything wrong."

"It's okay, Cats knows me, and she'll be alright. I wanted some time without her fussing and talking all the time. Anyway, I wanted a few minutes alone with you."

"A few minutes? I was hoping it would be a lifetime, but obviously with Cats in your life I don't think I'll fit now."

"Excuuuuuse me?"

"You and Cats? You're together aren't you?"

"Not in the way that you think. How about another drink?"

Daniel walked glumly to the bar, thinking about what Jack had said. The hairs on the back of his neck were prickling and Daniel knew there was something not quite right about Jack. Suddenly he understood. Jack's movements were `different' somehow, then he realised what it was. His movements weren't different, just in a different tempo, a different rhythm. 

Daniel reseated himself and put Jack's drink on the table in front of him. Again, Jack reached out feeling for the glass and picking it up took a sip. Daniel waited for Jack to replace the glass on the table, and then quietly he picked it up and moved it right to the edge.

"Bottoms up Jack, I'm just so glad to see you again," Daniel said, trying to keep his voice even, but waiting with baited breath to see what Jack would do next.

Jack stretched out his fingers along the surface of the table but the glass was not where he had put it. He groped fruitlessly for his drink, and sitting back in his seat, sighed heavily.

"Okay Daniel, where is it?"

"Jack, can you see anything at all?"

"No, not really. I see light nothing and dark nothing."

"What happened?"

"We got caught by some minor slimy freakin' snakehead sonuvabitch and I got zapped with a ribbon device."

"Forgive me for being morbid, but why didn't he just kill you?"

"Oh, some snake revenge thing I guess."

"What revenge thing?"

"It doesn't matter now Daniel, forget it."

"No, Jack. What revenge thing? Tell me please."

"It really doesn't matter, just drop it will ya," Jack snarled, his patience wearing thin.

"Tell me what happened," Daniel continued, his voice firm and resolute.

Hearing the determination in his voice, Jack sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"The snake wanted to know where you were. I told him I didn't know. He stuck his hand on my face and said that I was thinking of you and how you looked when we made love. He seemed to have some kind of mind reading capability. Anyway, he guessed how much I loved to watch you, look at you and he told me that death would be too easy for me. He took away my sight so that I wouldn't be able to see you again. Just after that a couple of SG teams came through and got us out."

"Oh my god, what about the Tok'ra or the Nox? Couldn't they do anything for you?"

"Nah, the damage is permanent."

"There must be something someone can do?"

"No, Daniel there isn't. I've spent the last year bouncing from one doctor to the next. That's why I'm here now. Gonna get poked and stared at by a load of Air Force specialists at the SGC tomorrow."

"It's all my fault."

"What?"

"It's my fault. If I hadn't left, I would have been with you and this wouldn't have happened."

"Daniel, it wouldn't have made any difference. If you had been with me, we could both be walking around with white canes right now."

"You've got to let me take care of you."

"Absolutely not. I don't need your sympathy or some misplaced sense guilt. Forget it."

"But I want to be with you, to help you."

"Ah ah, no way Daniel. I don't need your help and I don't need you feeling sorry for me."

"Let me be with you, please. Why do you think I came back to the Springs? I came back because I missed you like hell and I couldn't live without you anymore. But this whole conversation is academic isn't it? You've found someone else, you've got Cats."

"Yes, I've got Cats," Jack nodded, wishing he could see Daniel's face and look into those intense blue eyes just once more.

"I'd better go then," Daniel said getting up from the table, his voice trembling. "I'll see you around maybe." Reaching over, Daniel placed his hand on top of Jack's and squeezed gently. "I remember you saying that you had faith in us Jack. What happened to that?"

"It's different now." Jack's voice had a regretful tone in its quiet delivery. He bowed his head and said nothing more.

"Please Jack, let me love you?"

"No Danny, I would never be really sure why."

"But..."

"No buts Daniel. Just walk away. Blind faith isn't always enough."


End file.
